I like to think of myself as being a nice person. Acurate? Possibly...but regardless as to whether it is true or not, that is the way I choose to think about myself. Occassionally though Evil Lissa manifests. She is a very real part of my personality and honestly I don't like her very much. Well, usually I don't like her very much--sometimes I feel she is provoked and then I embrace her.
Let me explain. Last year as part of my job I went out to several middle schools with my students to interview the tweens about their lives, their problems, etc. and then my class wrote a play and performed it. During the interview phase one of the teachers and I were chatting. There was a young dark skinned girl who was obviously very uncomfortable. I asked what was wrong. "Oh she's adopted." said the teacher. Worriedly I asked "Do the other kids pick on her because she's adopted?" "No, but she wants to be a cheerleader and most of the white people who adopt kids are pretty poor and can't afford to get them the training they need for the cheerleading squad. I just think it's wrong how all these white people who can't afford kids go off and adopt these children." I stopped her (as it was obvious she was about continue her rant) and said. I think it's important you know I am a mother who transracially adopted my child. She was severely embarressed. As embarressed as I was angry. She apologized and backed off.
I told my boss and some of my co-workers about it. Some were totally supportive, others were mortified I would put her on the spot. My feelings were, she put me on the spot. I mean here I was, a total stranger whose life she was judging. I know she didn't mean to attack me...but hey, gotta watch what ya say to a total stranger, right?
Anyway...new school year and a new project. Time to go to the schools again. I'm feeling insecure because that means back to seeing the teacher with the negative stereotype about transracial adoption. So I go ready to be uncomfortable, but she's not there. Why? She's been fired for saying improper things to families and children. And all I have to say is...score one for Evil Lissa!
That proves you weren't over reacting and were perfectly within your rights to call her out. Go Mama Bear!!
Posted by: Laura | August 28, 2007 at 06:20 PM
I don't think that's "evil" at all. People shouldn't say things like that...who did she think she was, anyway? It's good she's not there anymore. Kids don't need an influence like that.
Posted by: chloesmama | August 28, 2007 at 07:19 PM
Excuse me, you were not Evil, you are defending something she had absolutely no clue about. I am glad you will be starting school without this headache and I am also glad that this perhaps will give her a clue that she needs to be more sensitive to those she claims to teach.
Posted by: Yoli | August 28, 2007 at 09:29 PM
Hi Lissa,
I read your post (by the way, I love your blog!) and I'm a little confused. Based on what you wrote, I don't see where the teacher was attacking transracial adoption. She seemed to be more opposed to what she viewed as the financial inability of the parents to support the child (a bit skewed if you are using cheerleader training as a mark of affordability). I'm not sure why she brought up race, but that doesn't seem to me to be the point she was trying to make.
Either way, I wouldn't worry about it. It probably had a bigger impact on you than it did on her and she's likely forgotten all about the incident. Just don't bring it up. As far as being nice or evil, I don't look at it as 'evil', I think you are just 'passionate' about the TRA topic. We all are! Peace.
Posted by: Faye | August 29, 2007 at 07:22 AM
Kudos to the administration for standing their ground and doing the right thing. That seems to be a bit of an anomaly these days, you know? And you're not evil, my friend, just a wonderful Mom protecting her baby girl.
~Karen
Posted by: Karen | August 29, 2007 at 07:41 AM
The conversation as it is related is from over almost a year ago and is VERY paraphrased. It was obvious from her comments at the time she did not apporve of TRA.
Posted by: Lissa | August 29, 2007 at 09:00 AM
Karma!
Posted by: Diana | August 29, 2007 at 11:53 AM
Way to go and keep putting ignorance on the spot.
Beverly
Posted by: beverly | August 29, 2007 at 12:15 PM
In response to the question of "what is evil?" I think the "evil" part is that piece of us which does the little Happy Dance at the news of the stupid person getting some karma dealt their way. I think the "Nice" Lissa (and Scott) would truly prefer the stupid people have revelations, change their thinking, and go on to correct the misdeeds of their past. But hearing she was fired makes that tiny little red-horned version of us behind our left shoulder flash a wicked grin and slap a high five.
Posted by: Scott Ocheltree | August 29, 2007 at 04:20 PM
Oh Scott!! Well Said!
Way to react Lissa! You Go Girl!
If things like that happen I TRY to always educate, but there are some people that just don't get it. So we smile and nod, and go about life but that one encounter always stays with us no matter how hard we try to let go.
Posted by: Jeff's Place | August 30, 2007 at 11:19 PM
The more I think about what the teacher said, it hits me that she was doing absolutely the wrong thing! Instead of seeing this little girl as something odd, she should have taken the opportunity to teach about adoption in general! Argg!!! That burns me up inside!
:(
Sad!
Posted by: Jeff's Place | August 30, 2007 at 11:23 PM
It was obvious that she had an issue with TRA. Otherwise, she would just say, "So sad that her parents are so utterly poor that they can't provide the basics ... like cheerleading!"
Sorry ... now I'm venting.
I would hope that people would address statements like this even if they are NOT in a transracial family!
Posted by: christine | September 03, 2007 at 01:18 PM