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May 19, 2010

Comments

Karen

That's a pretty arrogant statement they're making, considering most Russian adoptions occur with the "assumption" (lie) that the child has much more severe physical and emotional problems than what is really there, in order to have an IA to begin with.
I have an idea, how about Russia stops lying on the medical reports and starts listing real ailments such as possible FAS or those associated with each individual's long term institutionalization, so the PAP considering adopting an older child from Russia KNOWS the realities of adopting from it's SWI's before uprooting the child? And how about those issues are verified with a SW in Russia, before sending out their paper work to hopeful PAPs?

Sharon

I am an adoptive mother, my son is home 6 yrs from St. Petes, RU. I do not blame the Russian government for the pitfalls of the homestudy agencies, the placement agencies and the ignorance of the adoptive parents. With all the info out there, internet, books, other people that have BTDT, IA doctors, hundreds of articles and lets not forget the blogs, you would have to be pretty stupid and illiterate not to know what you could possibly be walking into. That adoptive mother in TN should have never in a million years thought about adopting an older child with his history, even with what little she knew it was a walking time bomb. She was single (and I am against single people adopting in IA situations), had to go back to work very soon and only had an elderly mom for support. She never looked up resources or any other medical help prior to adopting. Anyone, I mean anyone looking to adopt had better know about attachment inside and out and expect to do what it takes if you make the commitment. No excuse for her, none. These kids (any kid that spent time in an institution) will need at the very least, so much attention and alot of transition time that there is no way a single person can handle it. No way, no how! We had the best case scenario with our son (came home at 18 months and was developmentally on target and I was a stay at home mom)and it was still hard with 2 parents and no other kids in the house to get him through the transition period (took a good 2 years before I could say he had a good secure attachment)but then again I knew what a good secure attachment was so I was not fooling myself about where he was mentally/emotionally. Research, Research and do some more! Instead you have people who feel they are entitled to have a kid so they go to whatever country allows it, the fastest agency they can find. Then when things blow up and go wrong, they blame everyone except the person that is totally to blame, themselves! These countries owe you/us nothing and the agencies here are nothing but big business, all about the money so yes they have a nickel in it too! Adoptive parents need to get over the idea that all these countries are out to get them and it all personal. I really hope our gevernment cracks down on whats required from the US end of things to make it harder to adopt internationally, the agencies won't do it because it means no money for them. Wake up people and be honest with yourselves, IA is not for everyone! You are not saving a child, that child cannot "fix" the fact that medically you cannot have children, let the baby fantasy go and step into real life. If you are on medication because of mental issues and need daily doses to cope with normal life then you probably do not need to adopt a child. These are the kind of things we hear constantly from people that are unrealistic in their quest to adopt. Be honest, that's what is in the best interest of these children, honesty from the adoptive parents! Maybe if we put the indo/research on facebook they would be willing to sit there and read it!

Lissa

I believe with all my heart Russia has every right to ask us to have stricter policies. Their children...their rules. Honestly I was upset by how lax our post placement was. No one ever came to my home....even when I asked. They just didn't have the money to travel...I could have lied my rear end off. I think PAPs are ill-prepared. I did a lot of research before we adopted Lydia. Not everyone did and not everyone wants to...it should be mandatory. It wasn't required to take classes or do any reading etc. So...again faults with the system. As for Russia lying. I don't think so. If they were just trying to pawn off their children on unsuspectin PAPs they wouldn't give a hoot about all this. Yeah sure they might grumble a little etc. but a full on halt. No way. They obviously care about their kids. The fault is on us. The fault is on our system and how messed up the adoption system is in this country. Personally I wish adoption were federalized. It's mishandled and often abused now. As for no singles and no one on meds for depression being allowed to adopt...well sorry but I totally disagree with you there. Both Russell and I are on anti-depressents and while I'm not the perfect parent (who is?) we're doing just fine here and would hate to be discriminated against because we have had the courage to face our disease and treat it. I'm still unhappy I can't adopt again from China because of my BMI. I respect that though because it's China's kids and their rules. I wish it was different...but it's not. I also know a lot of kids who have single parents who are GREAT! I know kids who have married parents who...well...not so great. But they would pass a homestudy even though the single parent could well...parent rings around them. There's a lot wrong about "the system". What I hope is we continue to strive to make it better--the kids deserve that.

Karen

I also believe that sometimes PAPs are ill prepared. But, when we were first considering IA, we were told by our agency that Russia almost always makes up diagnosis's to consider the child to be SN, or the Russian government does not allow the child to be adopted internationally. So, IF we were to have considered Russia, we would have gone into it KNOWING that the Russian child most likely doesn't have what is listed, and my heart might believe that whatever he had, it was less not greater than what was on paper. How can a PAP be held accountable for a system that lists wrong diagnosis's on a regular basis, and for a SW that does not screen and prepare clients with education, and a for an adoption agency that accepts money from all who can pay, regardless??? PAPs are only part of the equation. But for Russia to go into this as if their hands are washed from wrong doing, when in fact, Russia allows and even encourages misdiagnosis.....It's just wrong to not find embarrassment in this, and admit SOME fault, and start fixing the problems from an internal stand point first...Or at least in conjunction with pointing the finger at the US.

Lissa

I have NEVER heard that Russia misdiagnoses purposefully prior to your assertion. (Or more specifically your agency's assertion.) If any agency told you to disregard a diagnosis, again I believe them to be in the wrong. I assumed Lydia would have problems beyond her diagnosis...I was right. We were fortunate that she had nothing more than malnutrition, shigelliosis and giardia. Some of the kids in her group had much worse. If Russia is falsifying documents it may be so that we take seriously these children's special needs--but again I've never heard such a thing previous to this discussion. Obviously Torry Hansen did not take her son's adoption seriosuly--and honestly, I doubt her assertion of the boys violence due to her erratic and irresponsible behaviors. If he was violent she had other options beyond sending him back to the situation she asserts created the problem. How uncaring...how cruel!

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